When Everyone “Feels” God, but You Don’t
I still believed that God was good. I still believed He had a greater purpose than anything we could understand in this life. I still believed that He loved us, and I still saw evidence of His goodness and mercy all around me. But I couldn’t feel Him.
When I had expected to feel His warmth, I felt cold. When I had expected to feel peace, I felt fear and anger. When I had expected to feel His presence, I felt emptiness.
These feelings persisted for over two years. Despite all the blessings God continued pouring into my life, despite the overwhelminggratefulness I held in my heart for all that God redeemed, I still struggled to feel God’s presence.
When I sat in church, I often felt one of three things: numb, on the verge of tears, or burning anger. When I attended women’s Bible studies where some perfectly-put-together speaker referred to “bad days” as having the rain mess up her hair or running out of hot water, I wanted to scream. When I prayed for God’s protection over my children, a stab of fear hit my stomach. When I sat down to read my Bible, I felt numb.
Continuing to turn to God during this season of life required every bit of faith within me. Intentionally choosing faith when the exhaustion and fog of grief set in became a daily fight. Eventually, though, the weight began to lift and the tangible peace of God returned once more.
