*The original post first appeared on the writer’s blog in June 10, 2016. This version has been updated and edited for content and length.
When a Christian dies, it’s not uncommon to hear people talk about the peace of God that surpasses all understanding. Growing up, I always thought of this peace as a sense of warmth, calmness, and nearness to God. It was something very tangible, supernaturally settling, and emotionally comforting.
Then I sat in a hospital room and watched one of my best friends breathe her final breaths.
After her passing, I heard others describe the incredible warmth and tangible peace of God they experienced during those last hours of her life. They described the overwhelming calmness and comfort that God provided in such a dark hour. Not just one, but multiple people recounted feeling the same overwhelming sense of peace as they said their goodbyes to our sweet friend.
I listened intently to their recollection of that night. I thought about my own experience of those very same hours. If I was supposed to feel God in that moment, I didn’t. Peace was a nice thought, but it was not my reality.
Why had I not felt the same presence of God? What was wrong with me? Was I less spiritually mature than them? Or even worse, was God turning me away?
